What if I told you – you could have nothing you ever wanted? What if I promised you none of the riches or successes you dream of? What if I explained to you that within yourself is the weakest, ugliest, no-good being you have ever imagined?

You are in luck, because in this article you will learn all of that and much, much more.

Don’t you wish all self-help books started like that? You know, told the truth?

The fact is this: nothing has caused more people to become nobodies than the belief that anyone can be anything. This entire self-improvement movement is just out to ruin you under the guise of making you better.

Do you know what most self-teachers are? They are people who never actually made it in the real world, but read so many self-bettering books trying to make it, that they became experts in regurgitating all that they have read. They became teachers and coaches and gurus. In reality, all they know how to sell are books that tell YOU how to be better, but don’t actually work. They are kind of like internet marketers – they’ve never actually marketed and sold anything online except their own internet marketing products.

But thanks to these odd people, we have a nation (nay, perhaps a world) of totally incompetent people aiming high, striving, and venturing forth toward their near certain doom.

Here is a goal no one ever told you to go for: mediocrity.

Become the perfect exemplar of half-assing it and just getting by, be the paragon of doing the easy thing, the avant-guarde of underachieving. Enjoy weekends watching sports, not reading, and relaxing. Hell, that is why America exists – it is the number one place in the world to do nothing and not worry about anything. Ambition is so third-world.

If by chance, you are still under the spell that there is more to life that what you are currently doing. Try this: take out a blank sheet of paper and write down everything you want in life. The people you want to meet, the places you wish to go, the amount of money you want to make, the type of house you want to live in. Take five minutes and come back…

Okay, now that you have this dream list, what I want you to do is reduce (or in some cases increase) everything by a significant amount. For instance, if you wish to make $100,000 – aim for $30,000 – that’s more within your grasp and will lead you to a nice mediocre life. If you wish to travel to a place 2,000 miles away, pick a place about 200 miles away that you can drive to and stay in a low-budget hotel. If you wish to meet a supermodel, picture a plain-Jane or better yet, a short, chubby, near-sighted, greasy-haired thing – but of an extremely friendly mien – instead. If you imagine a mansion, think 700 square feet of something, or even a lean-to.

You see, this is more likely to happen and causes way less stress! And in your mediocrity – and in acceptance of your mediocrity – you will find not only great peace – but all sorts of assistance.

Indeed, take these annoying Ayn Rand types up on their word – let the “men of the mind” carry you. Let them be the fools who work hard in America. Why try so much? Everyone is trying so hard to make life easy – I have a shortcut – barely do anything now, and things will just fall in your lap!

If you are a student, just mess up, and the teachers, having a soft-spot for the average of intellect, will make sure you pass – sometimes even with an “A.” They actually believe mediocre people are mediocre because of a troubled life. Let them believe that. You can really milk all this.

Whereas honesty, hard-work, blah, blah, blah are the ethics of achievers; mediocres value – with more dedication than any group to any values – victimhood, graft, just being medium grade, and laziness, etc. (I was too tired to finish that list).

True, mediocrity may cause you to lose your job – but then the nice people in the government and charities do very well to help mediocre people. That’s why they exist.  (Have you ever seen a skinny person on welfare? I have not.)  Angels, heaven’s creatures, gods and God, – all have been designed to help the average, common man. Be good and on you go it alone. Why rebuff God and government? Accept their largesse.

If you decide to work, make sure you excel at mediocrity. Being mediocre may allow you to gloriously fly under the radar. This is, if a mediocre person has aims, the aim. For in times of trouble, “the under the radar person” is not blamed, but in times of success this person is lauded by the higher-ups as “integral.”  To adduce, every business winner says to his staff, “I couldn’t have done it without you.” Sure he or she could have: you are utterly replaceable you mediocre son of a bitch! But jokes on him or her, for now you can brag about your great success and your essentialness – you were an “integral” part of a winning team.

At the end of life, the dirt hugs every coffin the same. Why not just relax and do nothing with your life? Way more than nintey-nine percent of people on this globe do nothing with their lives except work and sleep. In our advanced world, my god, you can work a little, eat a lot, sleep a lot, and distract yourself during every waking hour. Why kill yourself to be better? Just be mediocre. Because remember, if you aim for the stars and miss, you end up drifting alone, out in space, dying a slow lonely death. Look at the ground, aim there, lay down, and take it easy.